Hold The Rope
/Hold the rope.
My high school football coach, Bill Tribou, used this phrase often. He told us that when the going gets tough, in a game or practice, don’t let go of the rope.
We’re a team, and if one person lets go of the rope (for example: quits early on a play), it becomes much harder for everyone else.
He constantly reiterated the teams that win are the ones who have the players with the mental toughness to hold on tighter when it becomes harder to do so.
This is true not only on the football field but in all areas of life, especially the on the “field “ we compete in every single day, the one between our ears.
We are constantly playing on our mental field, negotiating with ourselves, hoping to " win" whatever desired outcome we deem important.
A mental tug of war played between our ears.
The most successful people are pro's at this game.
They have built incredible mental grip strength and understand how to stay "in" whatever they are doing even when it would be easier to get out or quit.
How do they do this?
Practice.
They understand that they will win and lose, but like great teams, they learn from the losses, work on weaknesses and come back stronger.
These peak performers constantly put themselves in situations where they will be tested because that is where growth occurs.
If they always won by choosing challenges that were too easy, they would become bored, and if they always chose opponents that were too difficult, they would be overwhelmed and anxious.
*This is the challenge/ skills balance I often use to help people get into peak performance flow states.
It sounds relatively straightforward, but here is the key that people often miss, myself included.
If you want to work on your ability to hold the mental rope, you must put yourself in situations to HEAR your thoughts when going through discomfort.
I used to struggle with this when I first started running.
Every single run I did, I would have my headphones and music in, then when the going got tough, instead of listening to my mind and overcoming it with some mental negotiation (run to the next tree, 30 seconds hard, then walk, a simple you got this Mike, etc.)
I would change to a different song, distract myself and try to push through. This *sort of worked to get me through the run, but it robbed me of the opportunity to strengthen my mental grip.
Instead, I developed a crutch, and in order to do a run, I needed to tune out with music and distract myself from….myself.
I recognized this when my runs entertained me from the music or podcast, but I finished them more mentally exhausted than when I started. I knew something was off, and I started doing some runs without any external distractions.
It wasn't easy at first, but now I can run ultra-marathons without music and enjoy my own company.
The thing is, listening to music while working out is not “bad”, I still do it every single week.
It's just important to have a few times without the music or extra inputs (podcasts, books etc.) so you have the opportunity to play the mental tug of war and build your capacity to hold the rope and stay “in” whatever you’re doing.
The importance of this goes far beyond physical pursuits. In an ideal world, we’re working out and training to become better versions of ourselves on various levels.
When we block out our mental communication, it hurts more important areas of our lives OUTside of the gym.
I see this a lot with guys who identify as tough and successful in the office, gym or boardroom but struggle with relationships at home.
During a 1:1 emotional conversation, there is often no shield or distraction. It’s you, your heart, mind, and the other person.
If you don’t have experience 'holding the mental rope' and communicating effectively with yourself, you will struggle to control your ego, leading to unpleasant conversations.
Over time, you will start to lose confidence in your ability to have these deep conversations and start to avoid them.
Unfortunately, this subconscious, self-persevering avoidance often leads to many things being unsaid, and soon, the #1 relationship killer, resentment, will begin to infiltrate.
If you resonate with this, take a page out of Coach Tribou's playbook and focus on developing your mental grip strength to win the mental tug of war and your game of life.
If you want more personalized support, please click below to schedule a free call with me. I would love to learn more about you and see how coaching can support you!
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With heart,
Mike