Fear of Rejection.
/What is fear of rejection?
Fear of rejection often stems from a deep-rooted fear that convinces you others won't accept you because you’re not enough for them.
This fear continues to grow over time as the story unfolds in your head that others will not accept you for various reasons: your beliefs, mindset, looks, behavior, personality, etc.
This fear feels debilitating and has a tremendous impact on all aspects of your life, making it challenging to make seemingly routine decisions or actions. This impact is frustrating and compounds the fear of rejection with the shame of letting yourself down.
The truth is, we all want to fit in, feel loved, and be accepted for who we REALLY are. This, of course, becomes impossible if we don’t ever show others ourselves and only let them in on a persona.
Why do we do this? This persona keeps our ego safe from ever having to deal with the feelings of rejection. Because even if we get rejected, we can tell ourselves,” ah it was only my “act” they didn’t like, not the “real me”.”
This all often happens subconsciously, but if we’re not careful, over time, it can create deep-rooted beliefs that keep us from receiving the thing we want most, from ourselves first and then others, love.
In this article, you will learn how fear of rejection can show up in your life and ways to overcome it.
What does it look like?
If you’re dealing with any level of rejection fear, you understand how much it affects your life, relationships, career, and self-image. Here are five main ways it often shows up for people.
1. You avoid new opportunities.
New opportunities ask you to put yourself out on the line. You don’t know precisely how they will end up, so rather than risk the feeling of failure, you decide to keep it safe and play by the status quo.
2. You don’t speak up and share your true desires, dreams, and wants.
What if other people disagree with what you say? That difference can cause a rift in your confidence and often feel like a personal attack on who you are deep down, which brings us to the next point..
3. You are lacking a sense of personal identity and are constantly wearing proverbial masks to try and keep the peace.
Not having a system of inner beliefs and values is exhausting as it leaves you vulnerable to what the outside world tells you to believe, think and feel.
4. You were constantly compared to others
Often, people who were compared to others (siblings, friends, co-workers) become conditioned to that behavior. They view the world through the equation: You are ___, so I must be ____. They want to constantly match their actions and beliefs with other people they feel are doing things the "right way."
They don’t feel that they're good enough, which leads them to try and feel like they need to be someone else to receive the love and support they want.
5. You often try and please everyone
The PP disease (people pleasing). Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for aiming to please others, but when the equation is not balanced with satisfying yourself, the scales tip, leaving you feeling empty, distraught, and often angry resentful without knowing exactly why.
How to overcome it.
The facts are rejection hurts, period. There is no easy way around that.
However, getting turned down or passed on isn’t the end of the world, and actually learning ways to cope with rejection positively will increase your confidence and self-esteem in the long run as you will feel more in control of your life.
You will gain confidence with each rejection and, over time, learn that the only way to move forward and grow is to put yourself out there.
1. Focus on the positive and what you will gain.
Even if you don’t accomplish what you set out to, you will achieve so much by putting yourself out there and opening up to the opportunity. More similar (often better) opportunities present themselves when you fully commit to following your truths, more similar (often better) opportunities present themselves, which brings us to #2...
2. Attention goes where energy flows.
It’s completely natural to focus on what might go wrong over what might be right. We’re wired for survival as humans, which naturally makes us more risk-averse. This is why it takes conscious work to focus your energy on how things can go the direction you want them to.
No one has ever regretted going all in on their dreams.
3. Call yourself out and lead with vulnerability.
The fears live inside our heads. But, once we bring them out of the dark and into the light, they lose their grip on us. The more you can share it with yourself and others, the easier it becomes to overcome. Of course, this requires vulnerability which is the #1 trait for living a life you’re proud of and leads to….
4. Having the confidence to get back up to the plate!
When you’re caught in the cycle of fear of rejection, the only way to get out is through action! Similar to a baseball batter striking out at the plate, the only way for him to build confidence is to get back up and swing again.
*You can’t think your way to more confidence. (believe me, I wish you could)
5. Make it real and follow through.
Allow yourself to play the story out. What will happen if you keep staying safe and not expressing yourself fully? Do you want to continue to live your life that way? What will happen if you speak up and say how you feel? Are you sure that your expectation of what will happen will occur? Often, we allow ourselves to fail more in our minds than ever in reality. Running out the entry story of your fears helps you gain perspective and see the bigger picture of what can happen. On the flip side, play out the story of what it will feel like when things go the direction you want. How will it feel living that life?
Real-life change and growth happens in the shadows.
You can play it safe as much as possible, but it won’t ever allow you to create the thriving, passionate and exciting life you want.
The special sauce occurs at the intersection between the fear of rejection and the courage to overcome it.
Please reach out if you want some guidance/ support getting to and navigating the intersection.